I broke up with him.. and it fucking hurts
I did it.. I broke up with him. It wasn’t a sense of relief, it fucking HURTS like HELL.
Did I make the right decision? I don’t know. I really don’t but the tears don’t stop falling and my heart feels torn into so many pieces. There is so much I’m never going to experience again with him. It’s painful, extremely. I just ripped his life into so many pieces and I’m afraid that I won’t have that again, I’m not going to have that happiness, dedication, and love from anyone ever again. I never thought he was going to leave. I planned my life, my future… with him. I talked about kids and jobs and a house with him, he lived with me over a year.
I’m gonna miss his smile when I walk in the room, his silly grins, his foot and back massages, tickle fights, cuddling together… I still love and care about him VERY much. I’m just hoping I made the right decision, because if not, I put us both through so much pain that neither of us deserved. :’(
I’m going to go cuddle with Randy and cry on his shoulder. I’ll be amazed if his hoodie is still dry when I’m through. He’s being great throughout, not pushing me to be with him or anything and he hasn’t. He’s been.. a saint. Encouraging me to do what I feel is right, whether it’s with Mike or him and if I needed him to step out he would. I’ll probably end up talking to Mike online… and I have a feeling if something didn’t work out with Randy Mike would be willing to go again but I’m going to just try to stay positive and see what my future would be like with someone like Randy, because he’s mine. He’s here with me for the long haul, he wants to be with me and I want to be with him… so we’ll see what happens.
I just hope I didn’t fuck up.
