Sleeping next to Mike, Shitty Weather, and an almost breakup
I hate being in my situation in life. Really, it’s not fun whatsoever. I swear.
Randy is in jail because he’s an ex-alcoholic who stole a 4 wheeler and had a grand larceny charge during the summer. He was sent to rehab, he took off from there and got married to Carrie in October. They were together about a month before getting married, then were together for about 2 months, and in November he told her to get the hell out of his life. She still wants to be with him. She found out we were together so his aunt started drama and told her that him and I were sleeping together and I was 16 (wtf) and since he’s 23… evidently illegal. I’m 19 so that wasn’t illegal but he did have a warrant out for his arrest for leaving the halfway house for Carrie (as a violation of probation) and THAT is why he’s in jail right now. His lawyer is saying 6 months max and if he gets that he should get out after 4, on basis of good behavior but I’m not keeping my hopes up anywhere. We’ll see Tuesday at 2:00PM what the judge says his fate should be. I’m crossing my fingers for weekends and extended probation. We’ll see though…
On that note, Mike stayed the night last night due to bad weather and we ended up sleeping (as in SLEEPING, not sex) together again, which obviously pissed off Randy and I have a conscience and can’t not tell him. So Mike and I can’t see each other again, not without Randy around anyways. Things may seem controlling but I’m vulnerable and I didn’t refuse Mike’s advances to cuddle and keep me company all night long so… it’s for the best. Not to mention it’s killing Mike every time, I keep sending mixed signals. Telling him no chance but begging him not to leave me alone at night is going to confuse someone.
So Randy took it surprisingly well when I told him and he told me this was my chance, I made my mistake and now he’s going to give me a shot to prove to him that I can be trusted. I’m not screwing this up. Mike and I didn’t even kiss but I feel awful, because I’m supposed to be faithful to Randy and here I was cuddling up with my ex all night long because I’m weak. *shakes head* What’s wrong with me?
On a side note, is it Tuesday yet? School starts and I find out what the hell happens between us. Then maybe my mind will be at ease and occupied too, no time to be idle when I’ve got 7 classes ya know? My online class is going to be miles high of homework I already have seen the syllabus and damn.. but I’m looking forward to it. I want school to start back up, it’s a good mind domination.
January 15th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I thought my life sounded like a soap opera. I can’t imagine how you (and both Randy & Mike) must feel. keep your spirits high hun, I’m sure everything will be fine.
January 15th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Everything is so complicated.. I am not envious. :\
I think throwing yourself headfirst into school is probably best right now. Just do your best there and hopefully the time will pass quickly.
I definitely agree that it’s in everyone’s best interest to keep Mike at a distance. Not a cut off or anything.. but certainly pushed away from that level of intimacy that you both are used to. It’s hard to break out of the habits and lifestyle that you’ve been living so long.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:08 am
I agree with Ally - focus on school, and let the rest sort itself out.