Amanda. 20 years old. Owner of 2 spoiled dogs. Lives in western NY. Madly in love with her fiance Randy. Studied 2 years at college for informatics and will continue sometime in the near future. Opinionated, sensitive, emotional, loyal, dedicated. New Car Pic, beautiful weather, and seizures yet again
Well it’s been almost 2 weeks since I updated. Why you ask? Lack of interest totally. I’m losing interest in LJ, personal sites, message boards, everything related to the internet. I still visit but it’s by no means nearly as much as in the past 2 months for example. The reasoning is two fold. I feel I could be spending time with certain people and have a lot more fun like playing softball (which I did last night with Randy, it was GREAT.I forgot how much I missed it) or just looking up at the stars. We spent the entire day outside yesterday. So gorgeous. I now have a desire to buy a softball mitt and balls along with a bat, a volleyball net w/ badminton/volleyball, and a bike so I can be active this summer. I can’t WAIIIIIIIT for this semester to be over.
Another is for judgment reasons. I realize by posting things public ally I’m opening myself up to be criticized but some people lack in tact or even an attempt at understanding it seems. Rather than start crap I’m just going to leave it at that and say I’ll probably keep my posts a bit more censored.
I also had another seizure this morning. As a result I missed work this morning, will be missing it at 6-10, and missed 4 different classes. That sucks, hardcore. I just basically lost out on $60. I was apparently twitching, having spasms, and I ended up mutilating my tongue/gums and began spitting up blood which I found at 9:00am this morning. It hurts like hell and so does my entire body and I have a monstrous headache. I have an appointment May 7th with the neurologist so hopefully I don’t have anymore before I have to go in to see why the hell this keeps happening. I’m afraid that soon I’ll have them while I’m awake or worse yet, driving.
I also have a crapload of schoolwork. Tomorrow me, Randy, and a classmate are getting together to work out my website which needs to be designed for my Internet for Informatics class. Hopefully I get it all finished up. *crossing fingers* Finances also suck at the moment, no need to elaborate.
Here’s a picture I promised of my car. More will come at a later date. Right now it’s dirty from being through my muddy driveway so much. We have plans to totally wash it this weekend but we’ll see if that actually ends up happening.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:43 pm
I noticed a few people insulting you on a message board, but I ignored it. Tempted as I was to jump in and defend you, I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. And about what’s said on Lavish… like I said there… I care, and I’m worried. I want you to find happiness. *hugs*
April 24th, 2007 at 11:12 am
I’m glad you’ve been doing other things. It’s great to get your mind off everything sometimes and it’s great to just get out there and do things you enjoy. Softball is super fun. I miss playing it so much. I’m glad you had a good time.
Talking about your thoughts and feelings online can definitely be a hard thing. Some people will understand and some people just won’t. Some people don’t open up to other ideas and some people are very supportive. Personally, I blog for that supportive side and I try not to let others get to me otherwise. I try and tell myself that the people who frequent my blog and give good advice and show interest in my life really do care about me. All the others might have reasons of their own why they feel the need to say negative things about me or my life. I tell myself I’ll probably never see them, and they don’t really have that big of an impact on my life. I know it’s really hard, and trust me it’s taken a long time for me to feel this way, but it’s really done wonders for me.
I didn’t get involved in the messageboard post where you asked for advice. I really felt bad that you tried to get real advice from all these people and none of them really looked at it from your perspective. It’s your life. Do what feels right, honestly.
Sorry this turned out to be so long. But I do hope things are well for you.
April 25th, 2007 at 3:02 am
I just wish I’d defended you with more strength. *hugs* Just try to remember, everyone was posting with what they would do, not with any intentional attacks. They all think you should do what you feel is right. At any rate, staying away from the internet is very gratifying, lol. It feels like I’m overcoming an addiction when I stay away. I feel a lifted weight.
Seizures TOTALLY suck. I hope you get them sorted soon and don’t end up having your license taken away or anything. *big hugs* Feel better!
April 27th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Nice new wheels, Manda Panda.
I’ve discussed my concerns with you. You’re a smart chickie and I’m confident you can choose what’s right for you. You seem very happy with Randy, despite the difficulties. *hugs*