Little-Nerdling.net

I’m not sure how to title this entry. Maybe an “I’m sorry” would do… or not. what do I have to be sorry for? I think I feel bad because I’ve been neglecting the net community as a whole, all my support systems and friends who have been here through everything with me since I’ve obtained a website and in general the people who befriended me as soon as I joined Lavish and made me feel like I fit into a community, something I’d never done before. I’ve always been the outsider, the loner who sat reading books because she wasn’t popular enough for all the kids to like her. Then I stumble upon Lavish and take the chance, try to integrate myself into it and I succeeded.

My friends have been here with my financial, moving, family, relationship, everything woes. Offering advice whether or not I took it or objected to it because I have a hard head. They talked to me continuously over the same issues because I wouldn’t fix them, but bitch about them endlessly while remaining miserable. I’ve changed… a lot.

In 6 months since breaking up with Mike I’ve done a lot of self improvement and modifications in general, although not always seen as positive by everyone I interact with. Some actually feel I’ve gone downhill, I don’t see it that way.

I look at myself and see someone who has learned to stand up for herself and show people she means business. Someone who has learned that in order for change to occur you need to work for it. When I lost my escort b/c it was shot and I couldn’t afford to fix it, with encouragement, I got a loan for a car and got a 2006 and came up with money for the insurance and payments so I didn’t drop out of school. I’ve held on to my relationship knowing the odds were against us and so was pretty much everyone but we worked and everything with this system is almost over, we’re overcoming it. I made the Dean’s list on 22 credit hours working and commuting 35 miles one way, plus going 52 miles every other day or so to visit my boyfriend. I didn’t get money to begin getting out of debt by sitting around, I got a new job. I work that new job. I
crashed my car and couldn’t afford a new one so I put my old one on the road and found a way to get to and from work for 3 weeks without a vehicle and barely any money. I can make things work the way I need them to, regardless of what the circumstances are. I’m stronger now. I’m confident. I don’t look at myself and think “eww”. I have times when I can look and go “Damn, I look and feel GREAT today”.

As I finish writing this and re-read it I can’t help but let a tear slip because there’s such a different 6 months and having a negative influence out of your life can make.

I am deserving of everything good and so much more because I work for it.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 29th, 2007 at 11:52 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.