Amanda. 20 years old. Owner of 2 spoiled dogs. Lives in western NY. Madly in love with her fiance Randy. Studied 2 years at college for informatics and will continue sometime in the near future. Opinionated, sensitive, emotional, loyal, dedicated. He’s…. gone. Really gone this time…..
He’s gone. I’m scared… very very scared of the unknown which is my future right now. I love him and I love him so much that it physically hurts me just thinking about him being gone. They came to the house at about 6:30pm and my dad hollered up to our little cove up here and said “Someone’s here to see you” and down he went. I peeked down and he’s got his hands behind his back, a cop in front and one to the side, and they’re giving him a Breathalyzer. I decided this time I wasn’t letting him go without saying goodbye so I jumped down too and asked if I could hug him, they told me once they had him cuffed up i could. I got his shoes and sweatshirt for him, hugged and kissed him one last time and he told me he loved me with tears in his eyes and I told him I loved him too but by now I had tears streaming down my face because we all knew this was coming. The cops were nice and told me he’d be at the sheriff’s office and he’d be able to call me tomorrow… or something like that but it’s not the point.
Where does he go from here is the scary part. He said he was facing 3-7 in prison but I’m unsure… I really am because he tends to look at the pessimistic side on the whole deal of everything like when he was trying to get his sneakers on handcuffed they asked him if he wanted his socks and he goes “What’s the point? I’m going to prison” but seeing him with tears in his eyes as he stared at me… I tried to hold back from crying and couldn’t because I knew if he saw me he’d hurt because he knows he’s what’s causing it.
I don’t blame him and I’m not angry with him for all of this. He made bad choices in the past and now they’re finally coming to catch up with him and he’s got to take care of everything before we can work on our life together. It still makes it hard. It’s ironic… last night I was hugging him and I snuggled into his shoulder and whispered “Marry me” and he said “I would if I could” and I responded with “If you weren’t right now I would just to show you that I want to be with you forever, prison or not because I love you and want you to be mine forever even if you don’t believe me” and he smiled and told me he did believe me. Updates will follow..they’ll probably be the only thing I write about now.
The hardest part of all of this now is that I’m alone. I’m really alone. Pat and Heather don’t come around anymore and Randy and I were all each other basically had. Now that he’s gone… what do I do? Everything I did daily revolved around spending time with him, doing things with him. He’s going to be there for our first anniversary… Christmas… everything. All he wanted was to make it through both of those before he got turned in but obviously it wasn’t in the cards.
I’m going to fall and it’s going to be hard and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pick the pieces up after the break. It’s …………………. I don’t know anymore.
