Little-Nerdling.net

Come to western New York and all you will get is people frustrated with this damn storm. We’ve got over a foot since yesterday afternoon and we’re expecting another 6-12 inches tonight. Shooooooooot me! I swear, I’m going to be FUMING if I can’t get to my visit tomorrow. I’m really not in the mood to go 3 weeks without seeing him. For all I know I’d miss this damn visit and then they’d ship him somewhere that I’d have to wait even more time to see him. Just cross your fingers that the weather calms down by 5am tomorrow, that’s when I’m set to leave to see him. I’m driving 157 miles but it’s opposite the direction of the storm. I hope that some people have looked into auto insurance quote because there are travel advisories and accidents all over the place from fishtailing due to black ice. So we can hope treacherous conditions slow. Randy’s mom is coming with me as well. *crossing fingers for good weather* The next week isn’t looking too pleasing. Ugh. Can we please get 55+ again? Kthx weatherman.

My household is incredibly electronic. We have 6 computers and they’re all active. I personally own three of those. 2 desktops and a laptop. Add to this we have 2 PSPs, a PS3, 2 PS2s, and the incredibly sought after Nintendo Wii because of the cheap price compared to things like the XBOX360 (not to mention I’ve heard massively bad things about them breaking) or the incredibly expensive Sony PS3. I don’t think we’re in the market for anything else now, except maybe games for each system since our selection is limited on the latest two. At $64/each it’s not easy to build a collection up though. We probably have 5 games for the PS3 and 5 for the wii as well. Sadly for me, only the wii and 3 computers are coming with me when I move but that’s alright since i haven’t even physically touched that ps3.

I’ve also played all 3 systems that are hot on the market and I prefer the wii. It’s not focused on graphics but instead gameplay which to me is what gaming is really about. We’ve also had family game nights where we’ve had bowling tournaments or done wii fitness and actually broke a sweat. It’s a way to get up and moving while gaming, can’t beat that. You can Click Here for a Chance to Win a Nintendo® Wii™! from Charter, a provider of high speed internet. They’re also offering an auction where you can bid to receive high speed internet for lifetime. I’ve never heard of a company doing this but it’s pretty interesting. You need high speed internet for that wii (Well, don’t NEED but it’s nice) to get updates and get online to download games for systems such as the SNES, NES, or Sega. Take a chance, try and get one of these systems which is nearly impossible to find in most stores.

I think this topic deserves it’s own post. Randy and I also talked about Dillion a lot last night and we’ve determined at this point in time fighting for him isn’t going to get any results. Carrie has a leg up because she isn’t in prison and legally Randy really can’t do too much of ANYTHING. So, at this point we’re going to focus on getting ourselves established and once he gets out we are going to live here for a few months to build up financially. He has 3 months to get a job once he gets out (parole standards) and I’d like to have a cushion in savings first so we don’t stress. Then we’re going to look into finding a place to live but I’d rather look into mortgage lenders for financing rather than renting because… there are so many more perks and it’s more satisfying to own your own home as opposed to renting and dealing with landlords. You can get some pretty crappy ones out there.

Once that is set in stone we’re going to push for visitation at first and see how things go. If we see anything that is harmful to Dillion by living with Carrie then we’re going to take action to try to gain full custody. Right now he’s focusing on the divorce because he realizes how much it bothers me. He should be at the law library from 1-4 today since they have notaries and legal assistance for inmates there. I’m crossing my fingers that he can get the ball rolling on this.

Originally this WAS going to be a handwritten entry but it’s too serious minded for that.

I broke down last night on the phone to Randy, completely. The kind of breaking down where I curl up in a ball and just CRY. I’m SO sick of the NY DOC treating prisoners like they’re not people but instead are dogs. Yes, Randy committed a crime but there is a thing called the justice system and it’s supposed to be in place. It is NOT right to make him restart the program just because they may have made an administrative error. He is NOT in trouble but I’ve got this nagging feeling that they WILL make him restart. He’s done 35 days in the program out of 180, he is getting Effed over hardcore in this if they do. They could also decide now to disqualify him for one reason or another. If this happens, he’ll probably not be home in time for Christmas. He’ll miss his first merit board in July and he’ll not be up again until January I think. UUUUUUUGH! I guess we’ll find out when he talks to a counselor.

I just feel like the world is on my shoulders with all of this crap going on. Divorce, Dillion, and now this possibility of restarting. I have this “thing” where I try to take on all this responsibiltuy myself when none of it is my job. He tells me not to worry but I can’t help it. I’m so overwhelmed with all of this and I might not get to visit tomorrow because we got hit with a storm and over a foot of snow. We’re expecting another 6 inches before 9 and then I THINK it is supposed to taper off. The driving is 95% on the thruway which is always cleared out first considering people have to pay $.04/mile to travel on it. They say it’s supposed to taper off by like 10 so that gives me 7 hours to hope they clear things up.

Mike told me something when we were hanging out that made me think. He told me that at times it feels like I’m trapped in this relationship by my love for Randy. Even if I wanted to leave I couldn’t because of the situation and because if I left, it’s not because of him it’s because I can’t handle the situation. Yet, that would be giving up. I don’t know how to fail… I can’t. We have a future together but it’s getting through the here and now that is killing me. I’ve immersed myself in games, re-doing my room, and am going to try to begin knitting as a time killer. I also do things like get my lip pierced because it makes me feel good about myself to do things like that. Perhaps getting a membership to somewhere like directbuy will allow me to buy things at discount prices to help spice up things around here and in my future apartment. Providing I get a job soon of course…

He called me 8 times yesterday.. $26.56 for calls. That’s 4 hours of talking and the phone cuts out after 30 minutes so you have to call again and get charged with another connection fee. I hate the system, I really do. It’s 25F and we have an east wind today meaning it’s absolutely FREEZING. I’m so sick of winter, I’m moving south. Once he’s off parole we’re OUT.