I can honestly say that I think Randy has FINALLY gotten past the issues that have been going since February. I think self forgiveness is the biggest problem going on right now, I can’t accept that what is done is done. I can’t fathom how he could have forgiven me and I constantly beat myself up over it. I wonder if I should say this or that because it’s been said before and look at what happened. He told me he’s going to “Give me that 3 weeks” and write it off as an experimentation period that I needed to show me what I really wanted. He said he’s not asking for one, he knows who and what he wants. I think I’m going to talk to my counselor tomorrow about self forgiveness and acceptance of the situation for what it is. I’ve changed my behaviors, seen what happened, and am working to change everything to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

It’s comparable to his big “mess up” previously of drinking and it turning into so much more. We both have our big mistakes and I’ve forgiven him for what he’s done so I guess I SHOULD be able to accept that I messed up and see how and why he has forgiven me as well. He’s changed his mentality and identified what happened with himself. He’s working on it in there with ASAT and will also be continuing addiction treatment out here as well with either GCASA or AA. We’ll see how it turns out. Regardless, I have faith that we can overcome this.