Little-Nerdling.net

I had my interview this morning and it went VERY well if I do say so myself. It would be for the night gate shift, 11-7 (I love set hours, no uncertainty) and she said since it’s the night shift the pay is a bit higher. No complaining here. She was the interviewer but she has to discuss it with the camping manager she said. I answered the questions quickly and with confidence, I think I had great answers, and I showed I wanted the job. So we’ll see what happens.

The bad part of the day was waking up to see snow. I seriously thought all this crap was gone. Every window was covered and I managed to get snow in my shoes while trying to brush it off. If I had a truck I know I’d be getting a tonneau coverto protect from this snow. Living in NY where winter can go from Nov-April it’s kind of crucial.

I got some more good news tonight. Randy called me and told me he was granted the waiver and given an index number so he can FILE HIS DIVORCE! That’s the $210 fee waived and the rest of them will be too. Suh-weet! He has 4 months to file and summon all that crap but within 2 weeks it will be on the next stage. Now we can hope that Carrie doesn’t fight it. That is going to be a HUGE burden off of both of our chests. That makes me want to go celebrate, especially if I get the job tomorrow, maybe i’ll go and start saving for a Bose home theater system? We intend on getting an apartment so might as well buy stuff to put in it.

OMG! I have an interview. It’s at 10am tomorrow. I’m so ecstatic. I applied at Darien Lake like… 2 months ago? Mom checked the voicemail yesterday and I called back just now. It’s at the hotel/lodging section for a gate operator which is basically making sure someone has a pass to enter before opening the gates and a few other minor duties. It’s a night shift job which is kinda important. I’ve NEVER been a fan of that shift because it throws of sleeping and everything BUT you know what? It’s a job and I need one. Not only that but I know I won’t be able to get weekends off so if I work until 7am I can still go and see Randy and arrive by 10am. So I’ll be able to get a visit in every other weekend.

Now I keep thinking of money.. and not even spending it. I’m sure I could browse around for some Overstock coupons and buy a bunch of stuff I really don’t need but want however i’ll say 75% of it at first is going to be applied towards debt and getting my credit cards all caught back up so my credit rating can return to a decent status. I’m a happy girly today. Oh yes I am.

I found out something interesting tonight. Most of you know what went down with John right? Well his girlfriend messaged me tonight and told me that I don’t have to worry about him contacting me anymore because he’s back in jail with 3 charges on him. He hit her and she had to have stitches and has a black eye as well. *shudder* I saw the pics b/c she showed me on myspace. It opened my eyes a lot to how dangerous he is. I guess he’s facing 7-10, good riddance to him. I hope he rots. His gf and I never got along but I’m trying to reach out to her because people in domestic violence relationships see things differently than the outside and need support I think. I hope she cuts all ties with him though, she said she will and her bruises will heal along with her heart. I hope so.

I’m extremely shaken up over this though. I even started crying earlier because I was warned by SO many people when I was messing around with him and I ignored everything. Hell, I saw him attack Andrea and I STILL wouldn’t accept it. He could’ve had a Swiss Army knife on him and gotten angry at me over something petty and what could’ve happened? I have tears forming in my eyes at this moment worrying… thinking… I’m just glad that I didn’t get that involved with him and I’m safe and have my loving fiance who would never lay a hand on me other than in a loving way. Some women aren’t that lucky but they should be, because NOBODY deserves that.

I can honestly say that I think Randy has FINALLY gotten past the issues that have been going since February. I think self forgiveness is the biggest problem going on right now, I can’t accept that what is done is done. I can’t fathom how he could have forgiven me and I constantly beat myself up over it. I wonder if I should say this or that because it’s been said before and look at what happened. He told me he’s going to “Give me that 3 weeks” and write it off as an experimentation period that I needed to show me what I really wanted. He said he’s not asking for one, he knows who and what he wants. I think I’m going to talk to my counselor tomorrow about self forgiveness and acceptance of the situation for what it is. I’ve changed my behaviors, seen what happened, and am working to change everything to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

It’s comparable to his big “mess up” previously of drinking and it turning into so much more. We both have our big mistakes and I’ve forgiven him for what he’s done so I guess I SHOULD be able to accept that I messed up and see how and why he has forgiven me as well. He’s changed his mentality and identified what happened with himself. He’s working on it in there with ASAT and will also be continuing addiction treatment out here as well with either GCASA or AA. We’ll see how it turns out. Regardless, I have faith that we can overcome this.