Little-Nerdling.net

I’m so angry right now. It’s all pent up inside of me. I just… it’s like Carrie threw me over the edge. She messaged me saying no I don’t want you to deliver the papers I want the cops to do it. Seriously, the last time I checked the person filing the divorce says who does the serving. However, for some reason this is making me more stressed and upset than it should. Maybe because it’s such a long drive and the cost of gas to go that far is going to kill me especially if she’s not home. I suggested to Randy going to show up at the court house b/c she has a court date on the 30th at 1pm. I just don’t deal well with confrontation and she has no reason to be such a royal cunt bag right now.

So when Randy called I just flipped out. We pretty much fought/argued whatever until like 10:50 from 9:20 and I went off. Why do I have to stress over his divorce? Why do I have to wonder all the time about this baby who isn’t his but the birth certificate says he is and therefore is being charged child support? Why do I have to deal with Carrie when he’s the one who married her stupidly? Why do I have to pay for these phone calls he keeps making even though I tell him not to call so much because I can’t afford it? I spent $90 of my $100 check last week on the phone bill. 90%! I’m going to be making over $300 this week from both sources of income I have and he wants me to pay the phone bill which is $80 for this week, see him which will cost like $70, and THEN serve those papers to Carrie which is like $35 or so in gas not to mention that stress. I just wigged out telling him how selfish he is being by expecting all of this out of me while he sits in there and i have all the stress he causes on me and my own shit like going to work, catching my personal bills up, that damn fraud thing with the phone because of his parents, and any other issues I have.

So I told him probably 100 times not to call me again, I don’t want the calls anymore. He took advantage of how much I was willing to spend and went above and beyond it. Then the visits, I told him even though I haven’t seen him since April 27th I wasn’t going to spend any money to see him either and I also said I’m sending his papers back to him and he has to find another way to get them to her. I said I’m sick of carrying it all on my shoulders and just broke down. I didn’t break up with him but I also didn’t say I’m willing to keep doing this. She caused this set off and she’s going to continue to make our lives a living hell until his divorce is final and they no longer have any ties to each other and paternity is established but my question is… when does that happen? Not soon enough. I’m not sure I can make it that long. I really don’t know. I love him, it’s not his fault she’s such a cunt rag, but he can’t deal with this all either so it’s me. I don’t have a record, fines, lack of license, I’m not in prison, I don’t have someone who is saying they have a child by me, I am not married, my family doesn’t hate him, and he has all of this thrown on me.

How do I deal?

Well just when it seems things are going well BAM another thing gets in the way and irritates me. I messaged Carrie about when she wants me to come down to deliver the papers and she said she’d only receive them if a cop served them, not me. I don’t know whether she was implying that she thinks only a cop can serve them or if she just won’t accept them if I deliver. Sorry to say, she doesn’t choose who serves them considering SHE didn’t file. Randy did. It looks like I’m just going to have to show up to her court date and serve them to her there because once I serve them and get my papers notarized she HAS accepted them and has 40 days to respond to them or contest or fill them out and mail back. She’s not making this easy at all and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and tell Randy I can’t deal with this anymore. God, this marriage has been one of the most stressful parts of this relationship because she’s so freakin bipolar. One minute she’s nice and willing to work with me and the next she’s avoiding me or saying this or that. It’s bogus and I can only take so much of it. I’m going to have to leave early Friday morning to deposit money in my checking account so I can afford the gas to get down to the courthouse an hour and a half away. *cries* I’m so sick of all of this!