Little-Nerdling.net

I was doing SO well and now I feel like I’ve crashed. I KNEW that once I saw him it was going to happen. I freakin’ KNEW it. Seeing him just made everything worse because now I miss him 1000x more. To be honest I had become so accustomed to not seeing him and only phone communication and I really wasn’t bothered by not seeing him but now? I crave that physical aspect all over again and I know that it’s not feasible to see him that often anymore now that I’m paying my credit cards and work and all that stuff. Last night I felt so alone though laying in bed all by myself (until my dogs joined me). I was canvasing while watching a movie and I just kept thinking of everything we did together.

At times I feel like I’ve lost him completely even though I know I haven’t. It’s just been over 6 months since I’ve had him in every way I should. We passed the halfway mark, we’re on the right path but I’m scared to death that for some reason at parole he’s going to be denied. He goes up in the middle of next month where they look at his sentence (1-3), crime of grand larceny, prior offenses (none), and his behavior in there (done programs, excellent behavior, no tickets, held a job before program acceptance) so his record is impeccible but … that fear isn’t going to go away until I see the status change on the DOC to open release date from initial appearance. If he doesn’t make this board he won’t come home until November of…. 2009. Yes, another year will have to be served. You see now why I’m so freakin’ scared and nervous. Last night I curled up with his wife beater and cried. That wife beater was the one he wore the night he was taken by the cops. I picked it up at the jail when he was moved to prison and I haven’t washed it since. You may find it gross. It doesn’t stink but it has a distinct smell to it that makes me feel closer to him. If only we could be closer. :’(

On a sidenote it’s going to be close to 90 degrees on Friday and I think I’m going to die. It’s been high 60’s all month long, I’m not sure I can handle that type of weather especially since it was only 74 the other day and I felt like I was roasting. Me and the south would not get along. The only perk right now is that I can put my sneakers in my closet and wear flip flops and sandals like the ones from Naot. I loooooove flip flops and sandals. It might be my hatred for having socks and shoes on all the time though. Blah.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm and is filed under Emotional, Love and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.