Little-Nerdling.net

I’m on edge and I need a way to top it out because if I don’t I’m afraid of what I will end up doing. I’m going to snap and I’m not sure how but it won’t be good. I feel so down and out about myself lately, like a complete and utter failure in everything I’ve done in the past or attempt to do now. It’s killing me and I’m taking it out on everybody because I can’t deal with this. I need to have a purpose, I need to have a center area of focus to make myself feel like I’m living a productive and useful life and lately it feels like I’m doing absolutely NOTHING good for anybody at all. It’s driving me nuts… bringing me to the edge… and I have GOT to figure out how to get up and over it before I resort to SI again. It’s been 3 months since I have. I’d like to keep that streak going. I’m working on pursuing something but that isn’t going to be announced until it’s a guarantee. I don’t want to get my hopes up before it happens. *sigh*

I wish I had counseling this week. It needs to be the 17th of April already too, I need to see that doctor and get put on some meds to help me deal with all of this. I’m not doing too well handling it all by myself. I’ve been working on my canvasing and finished my heart, I need to do the front/back of the bears and then maybe I’ll work on something more difficult like babydolls or Christmas scenes.

I was also tagged with a meme. (more…)

He’s been moved. He’s in a county jail overnight and tomorrow he goes to the lovely Summit shock incarceration facility a whopping 240 miles away! OMG YAY like my life is just so awesome and it’s just so great that my boyfriend is now going to talk to me a whole 20 minutes every MONTH. Oh, let’s add that the visits that are 6 hours would be every 2 weeks but I can’t just pick up and drive 240 miles one way every 2 weeks due to lack of a vehicle, lack of money, and the sheer fact that 240 miles is a LONG ass drive. *shoots self*

I really don’t know how I’m going to cope… I honestly don’t. I’m ready to snap right now. Once he leaves tomorrow morning I won’t hear from him until the 17th at the earliest unless that’s visiting weeks. Then I’ll have to wait till the 24th for a fucking 10 minute phone call that consists of hi I love you im alive kthx bye pretty much. Lovely lovely relationship we’re going to have until August. I know LDRs are hard but at least most people fucking talk to their significant others more than 20 minutes a month. Last time I checked communication is how relationships stay ALIVE.

Pardon me I’m ready to kill someone right now.