Little-Nerdling.net

I thought that the drama in my life had calmed, and in a way it HAS but in other ways… uh no. Andrea and I still talk on the phone, John is back where he lives with his girlfriend or whatnot. Well, from what I’ve heard John and his girlfriend are pretty sick minded individuals. They keep starting things and telling Andrea ALL these things like they want to get a hold of Randy and send him fake conversations or messages to try and break us up. He wants to send him a picture John and I have taken together (Innocently) that makes it look like we’re a couple to “incriminate me”. Apparently Randy is desperate for being with me and “Amanda doesn’t deserve him” (As said from John’s gf. Supposedly she thinks he’s hotter than hell and “If he had me for one night he’d never go back to Amanda”) All these childish comments are getting on my nerves and they’re pissed off b/c I blocked them on myspace and AIM on both mine AND Randy’s accounts (Actually, I think I’m going to be deleting in a few days). They’ve even gone as far as to say they want to find Heather and Pat to try and spread shit with THEM. *eyeroll* These people are 26 and 38, I thought this crap happened in HIGH SCHOOL. I know they have psychological issues but lately I’m wondering if maybe they’re on something and need drug rehabilitation as well. I’d just like them to LEAVE ME ALONE and if they find a way to contact me harass me I’m not going to hesitate to get a restraining order, especially if I end up having custody of Dillion. God…

Haha, I spoke too soon I see. Carrie now messaged me saying that she and her bf don’t feel Dillion should be “put through that” and if Randy wants to see him he can wait until he gets out and “Keeps his ass out of trouble”. Whatever. I’m sick of these childish games. If that’s what she wanted why the heck did she message me last night AND talk to me on the phone all cooperative and all about this idea. Again, whatever. I don’t have time for this crap. She has CPS watching her right now… let’s just hope she mucks up somewhere along the lines and Randy’s papers to get custody end up with us coming out on top of this and he can get custody. She’s a wackjob.

That, on top of drama involving John…. is bringing me to the breaking point. I feel like I’m going to puke, cry, and scream all at the same time. I think soon enough I’m gonna go write a letter and bawl my eyes out while I do. Listen to music while doing it… hope I can fall asleep early tonight so I can wake up tomorrow morning with his phone call. *sigh* I talked to Heather a bit tonight, it made me feel better. We caught up on a few things, talked shit over, we’re doing good. She mentioned that the holiday inn is hiring for like 4-5 different housekeepers that they want to get trained before the summer season starts. So I’m going to head over and apply there on Monday most likely. Wish me luck on that. Afterall, it’s not like I have the skills to get business funding and apply it towards something big. Yet. Maybe once I graduate from college and my life settles down a bit in the craziness area.

I’m ready to flip out right now, either I’m being way too touchy or every little minuscule thing is getting to me and seeming like it’s 340823903x worse.

• Mom’s best friend’s daughter Jennifer is 29, we ended up seeing her today and I’m sick of her. She has this holier than thou attitude, especially with her “Pff, I could NEVER imagine making $10/hr again, I make over double that hahaha and she’s also got this “Well Amanda why aren’t you working and do you really want to get married and settle down at 21 blah blah blah” and I’m sick of it. What works for me doesn’t always work for you stupid bitch. We used to be friends too when we went to college together (she got a late start as you can see) so I’m just sick of being attacked pretty much for my decision to be with Randy
• Pat. You all know how close we used to be. Well apparently last Sunday Heather messages me and says what is this I hear about you wanting Pat? Well Pat says Levi told him I did, Levi says Pat was the one spreading that shit around. I don’t know but I feel betrayed and sickened by that. *shakes head* If anything hammered that last nail in the coffin for this, that is it. I can’t handle that drama or betrayal by someone who is supposed to be “like my brother”
• On that same subject, the whole decision to basically ditch me once Pat moved out and Randy went to jail. I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve seen either of them and now I’ve determined it’s NOT worth it whatsoever. Pat and his pills can go fall in a ditch and Heather and her pot dealing. I’m SO SICK OF THIS. Why can’t I have a “normal” friend who can live life like a “normal” person?
• Randy’s mom… whole ‘nother ballpark. Basically same shit as always, except she got fired and has a felony on her record now SO she won’t be seeing him and her throwing me off to the side approach really pissed me off, so I want nothing to do with her EITHER
• Money. I have no job and have creditors calling seriously 20 times a day. Some companies call 8 times apiece and I’m just… we ignore it. I have no money, my credit has gone to hell, and it’s all my fucking fault

His family has me stressed out, this situation has me stressed out. I wonder sometimes if I can handle all of it. His family is something I’m going to have to deal with the rest of my life and they’re really causing a rift in my relationship right now because I can’t deal with it all. It’s not my lifestyle and I never wanted it to be. I’m better than that and I feel like at times I’ve thrown my entire life away over some stupid shit like that. *sigh* I just want to give up right now. I’m SO sick of bullshit, drama, feeling alone, and fighting all these battles it seems all by myself. When can I ever get a break?