Little-Nerdling.net

I wish right now that I could escape from my own mind because it’s all over the place. I’m trying to just let everything fall into place, accept what things are and move forward but it’s hard. In this whole mess Randy has suffered too because I’ve been neglecting letters to him and even shutting him out of my thoughts at times. I just want things to go back to… normal? Before I met John and Andrea… before everything turned into a tornado of emotions, drama, and confusion. Now I just am picking up the pieces of what has been damaged. I do want my mental health appointment to hurry up and get here, I’m thinking meds might alleviate a lot of this. It’s not recent, the whole emotional thing. That’s been ongoing for awhile.

Right now I would LOVE a vacation though. Not quite sure if it would resolve anything because I’d probably have my thoughts eating away at me like they are now. Hey, who knows right? Maybe checking into someplace like the Branson condos wouldn’t be such a bad idea. We all need a break every once in awhile.

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Now playing: Carrie Underwood - Jesus, Take The Wheel
via FoxyTunes

He’s been moved. He’s in a county jail overnight and tomorrow he goes to the lovely Summit shock incarceration facility a whopping 240 miles away! OMG YAY like my life is just so awesome and it’s just so great that my boyfriend is now going to talk to me a whole 20 minutes every MONTH. Oh, let’s add that the visits that are 6 hours would be every 2 weeks but I can’t just pick up and drive 240 miles one way every 2 weeks due to lack of a vehicle, lack of money, and the sheer fact that 240 miles is a LONG ass drive. *shoots self*

I really don’t know how I’m going to cope… I honestly don’t. I’m ready to snap right now. Once he leaves tomorrow morning I won’t hear from him until the 17th at the earliest unless that’s visiting weeks. Then I’ll have to wait till the 24th for a fucking 10 minute phone call that consists of hi I love you im alive kthx bye pretty much. Lovely lovely relationship we’re going to have until August. I know LDRs are hard but at least most people fucking talk to their significant others more than 20 minutes a month. Last time I checked communication is how relationships stay ALIVE.

Pardon me I’m ready to kill someone right now.