Little-Nerdling.net

I think this topic deserves it’s own post. Randy and I also talked about Dillion a lot last night and we’ve determined at this point in time fighting for him isn’t going to get any results. Carrie has a leg up because she isn’t in prison and legally Randy really can’t do too much of ANYTHING. So, at this point we’re going to focus on getting ourselves established and once he gets out we are going to live here for a few months to build up financially. He has 3 months to get a job once he gets out (parole standards) and I’d like to have a cushion in savings first so we don’t stress. Then we’re going to look into finding a place to live but I’d rather look into mortgage lenders for financing rather than renting because… there are so many more perks and it’s more satisfying to own your own home as opposed to renting and dealing with landlords. You can get some pretty crappy ones out there.

Once that is set in stone we’re going to push for visitation at first and see how things go. If we see anything that is harmful to Dillion by living with Carrie then we’re going to take action to try to gain full custody. Right now he’s focusing on the divorce because he realizes how much it bothers me. He should be at the law library from 1-4 today since they have notaries and legal assistance for inmates there. I’m crossing my fingers that he can get the ball rolling on this.

Haha, I spoke too soon I see. Carrie now messaged me saying that she and her bf don’t feel Dillion should be “put through that” and if Randy wants to see him he can wait until he gets out and “Keeps his ass out of trouble”. Whatever. I’m sick of these childish games. If that’s what she wanted why the heck did she message me last night AND talk to me on the phone all cooperative and all about this idea. Again, whatever. I don’t have time for this crap. She has CPS watching her right now… let’s just hope she mucks up somewhere along the lines and Randy’s papers to get custody end up with us coming out on top of this and he can get custody. She’s a wackjob.

That, on top of drama involving John…. is bringing me to the breaking point. I feel like I’m going to puke, cry, and scream all at the same time. I think soon enough I’m gonna go write a letter and bawl my eyes out while I do. Listen to music while doing it… hope I can fall asleep early tonight so I can wake up tomorrow morning with his phone call. *sigh* I talked to Heather a bit tonight, it made me feel better. We caught up on a few things, talked shit over, we’re doing good. She mentioned that the holiday inn is hiring for like 4-5 different housekeepers that they want to get trained before the summer season starts. So I’m going to head over and apply there on Monday most likely. Wish me luck on that. Afterall, it’s not like I have the skills to get business funding and apply it towards something big. Yet. Maybe once I graduate from college and my life settles down a bit in the craziness area.

Today is not a good day… at all. I got up at noon when mom told me Randy’s mom was coming over. We talked and caught up for 3 hours. That was good and we discussed a bunch of stuff about Randy. Regardless, I had a headache so I lied down for a bit. Sign online and a message from Carrie calling me a hoe, telling me “Next time you talk to my scumbag of an ex-husband tell him I need his DNA to prove he’s Dillion’s dad and I can get money from him” I acted like the mature adult and told her the address of the prison, his DIN, and their phone number but did throw in that “It’s kind of hard to give you his DNA when he’s INCARCERATED” Stupid wench. The only thing that allows me to deal with her is that I know I have Randy and she and him only lasted 3 months maximum, and it kills her.

Then I call Mike, he was supposed to come over today but he’s in Rochester and now he’s at a point where he’s trying to work things out with Destiny. So they’re going off alone tonight to talk and try working things out. That’s his business but I feel so ditched. He told me he was coming over, I was excited for it. Now I’m just crushed because.. yeah… so much for reliable friendships? I’ve been on the verge of tears all night. All everything every fucking day does is remind me that the ONE person who will never make me hurt this way, ever… is 240 miles away and 153 days from coming home. It’s hard.. it hurts… and I just need to cry and cry and cry until it stops hurting but the problem is that it never does.