Little-Nerdling.net

I’m on edge and I need a way to top it out because if I don’t I’m afraid of what I will end up doing. I’m going to snap and I’m not sure how but it won’t be good. I feel so down and out about myself lately, like a complete and utter failure in everything I’ve done in the past or attempt to do now. It’s killing me and I’m taking it out on everybody because I can’t deal with this. I need to have a purpose, I need to have a center area of focus to make myself feel like I’m living a productive and useful life and lately it feels like I’m doing absolutely NOTHING good for anybody at all. It’s driving me nuts… bringing me to the edge… and I have GOT to figure out how to get up and over it before I resort to SI again. It’s been 3 months since I have. I’d like to keep that streak going. I’m working on pursuing something but that isn’t going to be announced until it’s a guarantee. I don’t want to get my hopes up before it happens. *sigh*

I wish I had counseling this week. It needs to be the 17th of April already too, I need to see that doctor and get put on some meds to help me deal with all of this. I’m not doing too well handling it all by myself. I’ve been working on my canvasing and finished my heart, I need to do the front/back of the bears and then maybe I’ll work on something more difficult like babydolls or Christmas scenes.

I was also tagged with a meme. (more…)

I don’t usually do the Saturday meme but I figured I’m up, why not? One of my favorite topics, sex of course.

1. Are you and your current lover (or most recent) always on the same page on sex?
For the most part we’re joined together for that one

2. If you had your way would you have sex more or less frequently?
More considering right now I’m not. When he’s HOME, still more frequently. My drive is extremely high

3. Have you ever been asked to do something sexually but refused?
Yes.

4. Have you ever asked a lover to do something sexually but they refused?
Nope

5. How long do you wait when meeting some new to have sex?
Um, not very. Mike was the first day, Randy the second.. you get the drift.

6. Have you ever engaged in a sexual act while driving an automobile?
Haha, yes.

7. Have you regretted having sex with someone?
Yes, one night stands.. all 3 of them

8. Are you and your current/most recent partner in the mood at the same time?
Usually. If not, I’m quite talented at getting him there

9. When was the last time you had sex?
Too long ago Last time it mattered was the last week of November actually

Now I’m off to sleep for the whole 2 hours I’m getting (Horrid timing for DST I must say). Then I’m hoping this weather doesn’t prohibit me from seeing him. I’m unstoppable when it comes to getting to my baby though so… eff the snow. I’ll make this trip. Off to dreamland I go, let’s hope I actually have a good dream instead of the nighmares I’ve been having. I imagine if I ended up dreaming of something like colon cleanser I’d consider that a nightmare. I want to dream of spring, summer, sunshine, and green grass. We’ll see how THAT one turns out.