Little-Nerdling.net

I’m so tired, very tired both physically and mentally. As I just told Dez..

“I emptied the fridge and freezer, took all the shelves and stuff out and scrubbed them. Loaded/unloaded 3 loads of dishes, made dinner and fed everyone and washed all THOSE dishes, did 3 loads of laundry. Swept/mopped, made brownies for desert. Fed and watered the dogs. Rearranged the fridge b/c it was an absolute MESS. Scrubbed the counters and table” all to surprise my mom when she gets home. She always does all the housework, I figured it’d be a nice surprise for her to come home to a clean house for once.

Emotionally I’m just feeling low. I miss him, I want him home and nothing I do or say will change that. His merit hearing was scheduled for July but as we know, that is null and void. The site updated saying his parole appearance is in September for his November release. Until then, it’s just hopes. I’m not too worried that he won’t make it but I’ve still got 237 lonely nights. I’ve done 4+ months and we’ve got 7+ left. It’s hard, so extremely rough. The lack of phone calls just REALLY got to me. I need to start work so something will occupy my mind.

All I’ve been able to do today is cry over and over. While cleaning, listening to music. Typing this. I just… I want out of this situation but I don’t want out of being with him. Maybe tomorrow will be better, well, it will because I’m visiting him. I wish i was rich because then I’d have my calls and my visits and these 7 months would go by just as fast as March did because it flew.

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy easter. It doesn’t feel much like a holiday here since we didn’t do baskets or anything but that’s alright. It was a good day, I went and saw Randy and we actually got to spend a holiday together. Had an amazing visit btw, no jerky COs this time around. Drive was extremely long, especially b/c I’m running on only 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Ugh. It’s 7:24pm and I’m ready to crash but Randy’s calling back at 9:30 so I’ll wait until after our phone call. My cheeks hurt from smiling all day long too, haha. Rather smile than cry though. 250 days ’till he comes home, I can do that. *keeps reassuring self*

Tomorrow I’m making an appointment with the gyno, I’m 6 days late on my period and I have a very normal cycle. I hope to god I’m not pregnant but if I am… well we’ll work from there.

Well I was feeling uber stressed last night but Heather and Pat called me and we went and hung out at their parent’s house for a bit, I got to chill out and it was extremely nice. Then I came back and talked to Randy and finally played Warcraft 3 with Rob, Ryan, and his friend. While doing so I did plastic canvasing and managed to finish Wyoming. (Dianna and I are doing all 50 states as magnets and assembling them as the US on her fridge) We’ve got 6/50 done in 2 days, not bad.

Today I went to town with mom and we took the neighbors, got some Easter candy for everyone as a whole. I also got a pregnancy test which was NEGATIVE, thankfully. So no swing sets will be bought anytime in the near future. We’ll wait for Randy to come home on that one Now to figure out why I’m late… I’m helping mom make lasagna right now and then Stacy is coming over tonight to chill and relax. Should be a good time. If funds can come together on Sunday Randy’s mom and I are gonna make the hike up to Mohawk. We’ll see…

Oh, and on that level Randy talked to his counselor AND he’s signed up for ASAT *Alcohol Substance Abuse Treatment* and in Masonry which are both 6 month programs. The counselor said he won’t make his merit board in September BUT he will 99% make parole for November and will come home November 28th. That means he’ll be home in time for Christmas AND our 2 year anniversary. So we have a little over 8 months to go. Not bad at all, he’s staying at Mohawk too so unless he gets into trouble he’ll remain there for the sentence. I’m in a good mood today if you can’t tell. It feels good. Now if only the weather would get warmer to match it.

I mentioned either yesterday or the day before that I was on the verge of snapping. It’s getting worse.. and worse. I’m frustrated that I sought out mental health in December and they required me to be in counseling a month and it took a month before I even got assigned… and here it is March 20th and I won’t be on anything until April. I’m going to FLIP OUT. Everything is getting to me.

Randy calling everyday while I’m not home when he KNOWS i’m gone… for god knows what reason, questions about my future in relation to education, lack of having a job, and my brothers in the other room playing their new PS3 game Call of Duty 4 with the sound turned way up loud. I’m sure if we stuck a plasma tv mount and a plasma tv upstairs in their room then they’d go back up there and give us some peace and quiet.

I snapped on Randy earlier… I’m going to flip out and I need to find something, anything to combat this. *head slams into desk* Oh… and I’m 2 days late on my period. Lovely, right?

I KNOW I’m not the only one who celebrates monthly anniversaries. Randy and I acknowledge every single one of them. Saturday is going to be our 15 months, woo. I can’t wait until we get to 22 months. That means we’ve surpassed my longest relationship. Not that it matters of course considering I told him that he’s stuck with me for life We don’t really do anything special but acknowledge them but I’m in a very loving mood right now so I think I’m going to go write a letter to him… not sure what it’s going to say but I know it’s going to be very mushy and lovey-dovey.

If everything goes as planned his divorce will be finalized while he’s in there (papers have been filled out and mailed *SCORE*) and if he makes his merit board which we find out in July, he’ll be coming home November 29th, 2008. If he got home in July we were going to do an October wedding but with the circumstances changing we’re going to do May or June since we want it outside. As for honeymoon locations… well we’re quite limited being that he’s not allowed to leave the state to take any caribbean cruises or anything like that BUT if he gets a nice parole officer we might be able to take 3-5 days and go to Parrotsville, TN to the cabins mom and I stayed at. We could go horseback riding, mountain biking, visit Gatlinburg, and hey… maybe go white water rafting? We’ll see. If we don’t go for our honeymoon we’ll go on an anniversary. Only time will tell.

Do you and your S/O acknowledge the months you’ve been together?